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Last Login:
May 22nd, 2020

Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 24
Country: United States

Signup Date:
October 16, 2016


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06/21/2019 07:37 PM 

Journal # 63

       I just did 100 crunches. I can feel the aftermath of it right now. I am trying to get into the habit of doing crunches or sit-ups every single day. I was going to just stop eating as much, but I don't want to stop eating. I have grown to love eating. I have no problem with my body except my protruding stomach. I love my big ass and my big boobs. I just want my stomach to be flat. I have gotten super basic with my selfies lately because of my size. I don't usually get too creative with them anymore. When I was skinny as f*** I could pull off any photo. I was skinny as f*** and pretty as f***. I don't feel as good about myself as I did when I weighed 118 pounds. It's hard for me to get into the habit of working out because my whole life I was skinny and never needed too. Back then I didn't really gain weight either. I had a hard time gaining much weight most my life. Now that I gained weight I can't seem to get the pounds off. It f***ing sucks which is why I am now trying to do crunches every single day. Once it gets too easy, I will have to up the amount I do a day.

       I am almost done with the dishes! I have maybe like 2 or 3 more loads to soak and do. It's a good feeling to get something done. I can't stand it when the house is a mess. I really want it to look completely spotless, but I know that won't happen any time soon unless Kenny helps me clean. I've been doing really good at checking off everything that I need to do lately. I have been on a role. I am so sick of sitting at home its not even funny. I really want a job so I can buy sh*t and not have to hear it from my boyfriend when I ask him for money. Now I will be able to pay for my sh*t without Kenny helping me out all the time. I miss being able to have money to spend. It's not much, but it's still money. 
       I wonder when Kenny is going to be back. He has been gone for awhile. I am super f***ing bored. I don't want to drink though. I want to get high. Besides, smoking weed is way better for you than getting drunk. Weed you can't get addicted too. Alcohol on the other hand, you can. Every time you get super f***ing drunk you are risking getting alcohol poisoning, risking a mean hang over the next day, and risk throwing up depending on how much you choose to drink. None of that type of sh*t happens when you smoke weed. If anything, it has more of a positive effect on your body than harmful. No one has ever died from smoking weed. People have died from drinking too much. I really want to f***ing grow so that I never have to spend a single dime on pot ever again. I can't though until my boyfriend is off papers. 
       My confidence has really been up and down lately. I really need to stop comparing myself to other girls that are skinnier or prettier, and do something about it. Going back to me mentioning that I am going to be working out just my stomach. I am hoping that once my stomach fat is gone, then maybe my confidence will come back full force. I hate feeling like this. I know every single girl goes through this sh*t no matter what she looks like, but ya know. Ya can't really avoid it.
       I hope Kenny gets home soon. I really want to hang out with him. I will prob work on cleaning my room aka our room, and do some dishes. It's something to pass the time. I find myself bored a lot of the time lately. I really need a job so I can get back to enjoying the little things like watching TV or reading a book. It gets old doing the same sh*t over and over again. I feel lonely. I hate not being able to hang out with people whenever the f*** I please. I haven't seen Korri in a long time. I have no idea why. Maybe she is finally stepping up to the plate and spending time with her kid. I have no idea what shes been up to. We talk once in awhile, but not very often. 

06/20/2019 09:08 PM 

Journal #62

       I am drunk as hell right now. I am jamming to Phil Collins like a boss. I love him in all the Tarzan songs. The Tarzan songs were my favorite Disney movie music. I'm jamming to it right now. I love him OMG! I am a huge Phil Collins fan haha! I can thank my dad for that haha! I like a lot of music because of my dad. I grew up listening to Alice Cooper, Twisted Sister, Queen, Pink Floyd, and so on. 

       I am on live video right now too. Not on here obviously. I am on meet me live haha! People love watching me live. I am a pretty colorful person haha! I AM SNOOKI! As for Phil ColliI ns, hes f***ing awesome. My favorite music are from the Disney movies that has Phil Collins doing all of the music. The movies he sings the songs to are Tarzan and Brother Bear. He is an amazing artist. Has been sense he existed back in the day. My adoptive father loves him. I pretty much like any rock star that my adoptive dad likes. I love Queen and me and my family went to go see the new Queen movie and we all loved it. Even my brother Anthony said the movie was really good. 
       I really want to go see famous rock stars in concert with my dad. It is something on my bucket list. I am going to call him from my phone as soon as my boyfriend gets home with my phone. I have been having issues with it charging. As long as I am home I can call people but if not, I am screwed. 
       I gotta go I f***ed up lol. 

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05/09/2019 03:46 PM 

Journal # 57

       Omg! I f***ing hate painting my nails. Every time I paint my nails I end up f***ing them up during the drying process. I got this really pretty pink nail polish and I ended up messing it up. So f***ing annoying. I want to start painting my nails more though. The more I do it, the more practice I will have. With the more practice I have, the better I will get at it.

       My boyfriend has been in such a pissy mood lately. I can''t f***ing stand it. He's constantly creating pointless arguments when he comes home from work. Like, leave that negativity elsewhere because I just got out of jail not that long ago, and now all I want to do is be happy and not argue anymore. I need to cleanse myself of anything bad. I don't want to sit there and argue, so a lot of times I just ignore him. I am no longer going to feed into is negative ass bullsh*t. Always wanting to start arguments is a really bad habit that he has. It's really childish and immature. I'm getting to that age where I don't want to deal with that type of sh*t. I just want my life to be peaches and roses. 
       I'm so happy that tomorrow is Friday! That means that we will be getting more weed! Thank god! I am a much happier person when I am high. Weed makes me want to be the best version of myself. I don't get mad as easily and I just feel really relaxed when I am high. I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing could ruin that. I am a happier and more normal person when I am smoking weed. I have a sense of peace with the world. I feel happy when I am high as sh*t. I just want to enjoy it.
       I did some stuff around the house today. I still have to do a few things, but for the most part, I did a pretty good job. All I really need to do now is the dishes that have been soaking in the sink for a few days. I am trying to get on top of that. If I don't do several dishes a day, I will end up with an extremely messy kitchen and I hate that sh*t. I used to be very into cleaning the apartment, but once we were more than half way through winter, I started to get really lazy due to being depressed. The spring weather must be f***ing with me or something because when it is really nice outside, I always want to clean the house. If it is nasty looking outside like it has been, I notice that I have a lot less motivation that I do when it is nice out. My boyfriend really doesn't do sh*t because he works all day so I am expected to clean the house, but it is very frustrating when I take the time to clean the house and he messes it up a day later. It is so f***ing frustrating! It's not hard to pick up after yourself and throw any trash that you have away. He usually trashes anything he touches. I mainly focus on cleaning the kitchen, my bedroom, and the bathroom because I don't go into the living room very often. I don't like the way that it is set up, so I don't usually sit out there anymore. 
       I am so tired. I am probably going to take a short nap before my boyfriend gets home. I worked really hard today. I accomplished a lot today, even though it was nothing super hard or crazy to do. I am so tired. I love sleeping. Sleeping is just the best thing ever esp when your super bored and you don't know what to do with yourself.  I know I haven't really typed much this time around, but thats because I am getting tired now and I just want to go to bed. I am so tired.

05/03/2019 03:09 PM 

Journal # 56

       This weekend I am supposed to be going to meet my birth father. I have been waiting here for my boyfriend to get off of work for awhile now. He told me he was going to be getting off around 12 pm and it is 2:10 now. My birth father called me but I am really not in the mood to talk on the phone for very long. I decided to text him instead. Kenny thinks that he is going to bail on me or something. I never even thought about that until he brought it up. Thanks a lot Kenny. Now I feel like I should hold off on packing or anything now because I'm thinking he might cancel. I don't personally think that he would do something like that, but Kenny told me ya never know. This stinks! I hope that he is completely wrong because that would be really f***ing petty of him to do. This weekend has been planed for at least 2 weeks now. I really hope that I can still go. I was planning for a fun weekend with everyone. I haven't met anyone from my dads side of the family yet. Hell, I haven't even met my dad yet! It's way over due to meet him. I feel like I get a long better with him than I do with my birth mother. She doesn't have the same personality as I do. 

       I just heard from my bio dad and he said we could come down at any time but that we needed to get a hotel. He said he would help pay for one if we needed him too. I am so excited! I can't wait! I knew Kenny was wrong! He even sent me his address so if he was planning on doing the dip on me he wouldn't have given me his address. Even if it was a fake address, I doubt someone would stoop that low. That would be pretty f***ing bogus! I hope we get a hotel with a pool. Even if it's some basic ass pool. I haven't gone swimming in awhile and its really good exercise. I am taking a break for the weekend to not work out. I don't want people watching me. I might later at the hotel though. I have to figure out what we are going to be doing about the cats. I might just leave two big bowels of dry food out for them while were gone. My parents will be out of town this weekend so my parents couldn't come over and get the animals fed. I can't just leave wet food out it will go bad. I don't want them getting sick or anything. I worry about them. They are pretty much my children at this point. 
       I finally finished the book I was reading. Now I am reading "The Shack". My mom read it first and then gave it to me saying it was a really good book. So far I'm liking it. I'm not very far into the book right now though. I am only on chapter two. If you already like a book in the first chapter, then thats an indicator its going to be a really good book. I try to read a chapter or two every single day. I don't think there is ever a day that I don't read. I would much rather read a book than watch TV, that is until I can no longer focus on reading anymore. 
       Kenny's cat Princess, has been really friendly with me lately. I think shes finally getting used to me. I used to yell at her a lot and sometimes chase her around the house out of frustration when she scratched on the furniture. I stopped doing that though. Now I just use the spray bottle and then they go running. I don't have to really do much lol. As much as they frustrate me sometimes, I still love them to pieces. They are acting their age too lol. They are still children in the people world. They are both about two or three years old. Human toddlers, do the exact same thing my cats do. It's kinda funny if ya think about it. I'm much more patient now because it's not like they can understand what I am saying and I can understand what they are saying. That only happens once in awhile. 
       My self-esteem is finally back now. I have been getting hit on like crazy too! Guys are constantly giving me attention. Maybe I feel prettier because I am prettier? LOL! I have no f***ing idea. I doubt it. Anyways, I really feel myself. I don't feel super unattractive like I was feeling. It's been weird for me to get used to weighing the most I have ever weighed in my life which is 118 or so pounds. That's what it said the last time I weighed myself. I really want to. I hope that Kenny is off of work soon or is not home yet because he is going and cashing his check and sh*t. I was thinking about calling him but I don't want to get him in trouble at work. I think I will just wait awhile and then text him. I am getting rather tired though. I think I am going to lay down for awhile. 

04/30/2019 10:50 PM 

Journal # 55

       I am super excited for this weekend. Me and Kenny are going to go meet my birth father for the first time. I am super stoked. I am finally going to meet the guy who put me here. I have been talking to him through text and social media for about two years now and I feel like I am ready to meet him. I know my birth mother doesn't like him and all, but she doesn't understand him like I do. I have the same personality as he does. I really feel like I relate to my birth father more than I do my birth mother. Me and my dad just see eye to eye on pretty much everything and were both really misunderstood by other people. People always assume I am some big snobby bitch, but in reality I'm not. I'm just a little bit snobby. Hello? I'm a princess duh. Of course I am a little bit of a diva. Anyways, I have a lot of other good qualities that others don't know I have. I have a huge f***ing heart and I care about other peoples well-being and their feelings. When I was in jail and another girl in my sell was crying I would go over to her and ask her if she was ok or if she needed anything. I'm like the perfect amount of everything.

       I finally met Korri's boyfriend last night. He does not look 40 at all. I think he looks younger than my boyfriend even. I don't know though. I could have sworn she said he was 40 but I could be wrong. He seemed pretty chill though. He was able to pass my crazy friend test lol. I was f***ed up one night and I was having a moment where I was acting really funny and weird and he seemed to take it pretty well. So far, he has survived the friend test. Now he just needs to hang out with me and Korri when we are drinking, because thats when me and Korri get weird in a good and funny drunk and high sort of way. My nick name is Snooki if that explains anything.
       I've been really feelin myself lately. Ever sense I got out of jail, I have felt a huge amount of confidence in myself. I feel sexy now. I don't know what caused me to all of the sudden feel like a million bucks every day, but it is a good feeling. I mean, I know I am a pretty girl. I have always been that girl that guys wanted really badly, and my dating history is a long one, but sometimes you still get insecure. You could be the hottest girl on the planet and still feel ugly at times. Now that I am out of jail, I feel much more attractive. I have cloths now that actually fit me properly, and I just look really good. 
       I feel like ever sense I started smoking weed again, my life has been much better. Me and my boyfriend hardly ever fight anymore. I mean, we have fought a couple of times sense I have gotten out of jail, but not the the point it used to be. We used to get into fights every single day. Now, I am always so chilled out that the only time we fight is once in awhile. I wish it would completely stop though. I can't deal with fighting so much. I just want to get along. Kenny really needs to work on picking his battles sometimes. Fighting is exhausting and just negative bad energy that I don't want or need right now. I just got out of jail a week ago. I want to enjoy life. Not be miserable in it. 
       I am totally obsessed with this new song called "High End" by Future and I am f***ing crazy about it. I love the song and the music video is super trippy. I like it a lot. Chris brown looks so f***ing dope in it. He looks like a sexy demon. Its like super dark. The dark energy around it is super f***ing black! It's so dark that you wouldn't be able to see a thing if you were inside of the song lol. I can't help but like it though. I keep listening to it over and over and over again cuz I just like it that much. 
       I was thinking about bringing myself back to being really out there on social media again. This time around though, I will not be posting negative sh*t for attention. This time it will be good stuff. I don't know though. I might not. It is a lot of work being liked on social media. People expect the best out of you all the time. 
        I love getting high. I wish I could smoke 100$ of weed in only a few days lol. I would love being high. I was pretty much sober for like two years besides drinking once in a blue moon so I think my body feels like its deprived of smoking weed. I just want to smoke and smoke and smoke and never stop. Sometimes I smoke so much that I smoke myself sober. I hate it when that sh*t happens. Total f***ing stoner problems. I smoke more than I drink. I have defiantly grown out of my drinking phase finally. I would rather smoke weed than get drunk. I still drink some times but nearly as much as I used to. I used to get drunk almost every single night for like a month. 
       My hair is getting healthier and healthier. I can just tell by the way it feels when I touch it. I think that I look super good with black hair though too. It is a lot less damaging to your hair if it is dyed black vs being bleached until it is almost white. I do plan on going back to almost white hair, but I don't plan on doing that any time soon. I might end up really liking having black hair. Regardless of my choice, it will still look good.  I can pretty much pull off any hair color. My favorite hair colors are black, platinum blonde, or brown. I decided that I am no longer dying the ends of my hair. I will only be dying my roots. This might change depending on how the ends of my hair wash out. I am hoping that they will wash out into a brown color. It might look really cute. I have never had my hair ombre before so it would be a totally new look for me. I think it could end up looking really cute. I mean, eventually all of that hair is going to just get cut off anyways, so why should I care about the way the ends of my hair look? As long as most of my hair looks good, then I don't really care. I am really not into dying my hair like I used to be. I used to want my hair to be all these cool different colors. Now? I hate having to take the time to dye my hair. I don't mind doing it, but I no longer do it for fun. I just dye my hair to keep up my on point appearance.   I don't dye my hair anymore because I think it's fun. I have had my hair every single possible color you can think of including yellow and green. It just got old. I got sick of the hair dye not staying in my hair and washing out within a week. I want something that will last, and is also a normal color. I feel like dying your hair funky colors at my age is childish now, because thats all I did when I was in high school. I thought I was so cool with colored hair because no one else was doing it at my school. Now several years later people are dying their hair crazy colors? Get read people. My old friend Deandra just dyed her hair these two vibrant purple colors and to me it makes her look childish. She looks less mature. I don't know. I guess its because doing that stuff was cool in high school back when I was doing it. Now, its just stupid to do. The colors never stay in long enough. I mean, it would be one thing if she had a normal color and a funky color together, but not two funky colors. Nothing personal to her at all, I just I just don't like her new hair color on her. She should of dyed it red again like she used to do all the time instead of doing those colors. I always liked her red hair. It looked super pretty on her. I don't know why she stopped. Red is such a pretty color. 

(The Song I Mentioned)

       Ok, back to the discussion about my hair. I really think it will look cute. It gets kinda annoying having to recolor your hair every month. The ends of my hair don't hold the color very well because they have been dyed a lot. I don't know how old the ends of my hair are, but I know they are old enough. I kinda feel like trying something new with my hair too. I don't necessarily want to dye my hair a different color, I just want it to wash out to like a brown or some sh*t. It could look really f***ing cute all faded out and everything. Underneath all of this dye is almost white blonde hair. I could probably let that sh*t fade for a really long ass time until it no longer holds any color in it. I am going to start dying my roots once every inch of hair that grows out. I am the type of person that likes to keep up on my roots. Basically, my plan is to just keep dying my roots and let the black wash out at the ends. This will cause it to have an ombre look and eventally all that dead hair will just be cut off and the black in my hair will stay in my hair much much longer because all of that hair will be super healthy. Get the point?
       So sense I have been gaining some weight, I have been having to go through my cloths and get rid of stuff that doesn't fit me. I plan on getting rid of all the cloths that are too small for me and then replacing them with a new one that is brand new from Hollister. They took down the store they had at the east towne mall, so now I am forced to just order what they have online. I like to go and try stuff on and then decide weather I want to buy it or not. I am looking forward to getting a brand new Hollister wardrobe started. It is going to keep growing and growing over time. I don't know why I didn't start doing this awhile ago. Screw goodwill! I mean, I still shop there and probably always will, but sometimes its nice to get a brand new shirt.             

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