i can't sleep in the wake of saturday
missing everything to death...
what can i say. the new normal isn't all that great. i'm obviously thinking about the great days i've had recently, but this also has me missing things i never thought i would miss in a million years. but i still wouldn't go back and risk changing anything because everything led to it being the way it is now, and for the first time in forever i have too much to lose. (he's asleep right now. we are longing for the sushi dates that can't be.)
i had a horrible last week and i really thought this was gonna be the end of the world. needless to say i'm doing a lot better right now. the worst part of the new normal is the uncertainty of how long we're going to have to live like this but things seem like they're going to turn out fine now. blame it on my neurosis that is my greatest ally and my worst enemy.
hellamega is probably going to be postponed and i've half accepted it. if i'm not gonna get to see pete wentz until 2021, i guess i have a reason to hold on until then. summer 2021 will be my last few months living at home, so maybe that'll be my goodbye. vegas is where it's at, and i will miss vegas, but i am not going to miss my old life.
i don't think i love myself right now. i did for a while but now's not a good time. however, i am a thousand percent certain i have factors worth being alive for.
i think he's awake now. time to go. xo Joey