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Last Login:
April 17th, 2019

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Gender: Other
Status: In a relationship
Age: 20
Country: United States

Signup Date:
February 14, 2019


04/10/2019 04:44 PM 

Pain and Books and Writing and Other Things

Hello there buddies. I'm back with an actual blog post now and not just get-to-know-me questions. There's nothing going on at work. I'm just listening to the radio and reading one of Richard Ayoade's books. I'm feeling very odd, like I might cry. Which is weird because I woke up feeling pretty decent. I might just be PMSing. Or just having a mood swing. That's not out of the ordinary. I've got about an hour before I go home. I think it'll go quickly. 

Yesterday I felt like absolute crap physically. My punk ass pain condition decided to really let me have it (I'm in the process of weening off a medication that my body grew to rely on). I was not feeling confident that it would get any better, but when I woke up this morning I was pleased to discover that it had. Nothing too major, but slight improvements. However, just the diseases presence causes me anxiety. Knowing that at any moment it could spring up and attack me makes me never able to fully relax. Within the last hour or so I've started feeling a burning sensation on my face, particularly around my eyes. This has happened before. But it immediately started upsetting me. The more I panic the worse it gets, but I don't know how to just fully let go and chill. Guess I have to start practicing. Not having control of something is not something I generally like. This is just a problem I've always had. But I really need to start working on it. I need to convince myself that not knowing what's going to happen is not bad. Not everything unknown is dangerous. 

Ugh, I'm just getting more nervous as the time goes on. 

I think I'm gonna stop here. I'm sorry. I just don't wanna keep talking at the moment.


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