>1) not clearly communicating your message 

>2) self-hatred and talking about what a failure you are 

>3) backing out of sex randomly and for no reason, often halfway through, when that's basically the only part of our relationship that doesn't feel like empty words sometimes

1. maybe i'm just nonsensical, maybe words don't matter and are hard to convey anyway, maybe i dont know how to think

2. i don't want to lie and i dont wan't to be egocentrical and narcissistic and maybe there's some level of manipulation here too

3. i don't have recall of any specific incidents but it's probably since something made me feel bad. don't know how to help with empty words, i'm emotionally dead (which is probably an element of the reason i'm such a terrible partner and can't communicate anything

>is this relationship even a good thing for the two of us

i'd like to hope so, you're the closest friend or anything i have left. i've already pushed everyone else away with how terrible i am. i can't even get a 3/3 vote of a small section of friend group on who is the better person to hang out with, me or damien. and you know us both well