antisocial and violent
kicked a guys knee because he constructively criticized my face drawing techniques and anatomy of the face for like 15 minutes (which i accepted and mostly asked for because he made a remark about it and asked for permission before continuing and i, like the secret consumer i am, needed to know what he thought) and would not let me mention that the photo i was referencing for someones face was old, which is why the hairstyle is inaccurate, and that i personally like drawing fluffy hair. his reasoning for trying to shut me up was because he did not ask for my opinion, which is justified mostly because its true, but i got angry because it wasn't an equal exchange of ideas in that case and when i tried to tell him this he shut me up again. then i kicked him and he went "well this is awkward. hope to see you again (something about how he wanted me to be less mad the next time we meet)." i yelled when it was quiet (it was loud before and that was part of the anger problem) because i was thinking back over the moment and got pissed again.
i spent art being too mad and wanting to write this down to focus. im either too sad or too pissed to be productive.
i cheated on the chemistry test i was doing two days after everyone else by going 10 minutes or so over time because no one was supervising me. i was only two questions off from finishing, and i needed the extra time to finish it all up. i wasted time making the graph neat so i needed the extra time anyway. i also used a more fancy calculator for one question and googled stuff, but those are less influential.
something about going home without the normal walking friends made me feel really bad, and the one girl who is known for being super violent was there and i was walking with/near her and i told her if she ever wanted to fight i am ready and prepared to be a target whenever. she declined the offer because she said she only knows how to punch and do once-off violence, not actual fighting. i kept trying to make her hurt me but she only hit me once with a leafy stick she was hitting the other people with (as is standard for her) and it didn't even hurt that much. she left before i could ask her if i could be her punching bag, no fighting back.
i don't know why im feeling so bad and death-desiring lately. nothings particularly bad right now. is it just because im back at school?