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this is the perfect use of my time
Current mood:
 worried
i have 2 things of homework due as term has started up again. one of these is 4 days late, which is 40% off the mark im going to be getting. i emailed the teacher about it and she said it matters more that i research the guy the task is about than me getting it into her, which is probably to get me to actually hand it in unlike the other time we had a task like this. im mostly done with the actual research, but one section of this task we need to do is analyse two of the guys artworks. this is easier since i can look up what its meant to be about and what other people think it is and stuff but that's where my motivation's faltered. this isn't even the only task i have.
the other over-the-holidays thing that i did not remember and thus didn't do was an essay task in english lit. it's about australian literature, the best kind of literature to think or do anything about, clearly. it's only 1000 words but i probably need to do the art task first (which i am stuck on) before i should do this one. it's due tomorrow, so at least it's not late. the teacher says she cares about me but she also said it in a way that feels like she doesn't really care about me. she said to ignore my marks that i got last semester cos they're in the past (cool, works ok) because i'm going to work way worse if i'm feeling super bad like i was because i got 10/25 on a spoken panel discussion (which i mostly blame because i was unable to get a word in because everyone else is more confident than i am at the things i know about). the marking key itself (which the teacher said she didn't like) had a guideline of 12 marks as the minimum score, as the "limited" section had it as the lower bound of marking if you gave all limiteds. it shouldn't have made me so distraught, and i was berating myself for crying and stuff and i'm not entirely sure if my self harm was genuine or attention seeking, but i was just a mess at that moment. anyway. she said i wouldn't be able to do work as well if i was as distraught as i was (which is true) but because of how she said it it felt less genuine and more a push to do something so i could be a good student. thinking of it like that makes sense in the background but putting it into words like this makes me question what her motivation should be? does she want me to be a better student because she cares about me for some reason or is it that she wants a better average for her class to show off how good at teaching she is or what? whatever it is, i still feel like im a lost cause for any help.
anyway can everyone yell at me to do work
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