Butterfly in me Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ
Category: Real Life
"I cannot spread my wings
As seemingly as it is
I cannot take flight
In the swirling wind"
It was supposed to be different this year, I was supposed to do more with my life. I felt like I was trapped in a swirling mass of confusion, things were being thrown at me left and right. Half the time I didn't understand what was going on, it was a constant struggle for survival you could say. I wanted to shed my past experiences and start over like I had hoped and begged every day for. I wanted to shed my torn up wings that held so much on them and fly around with beautiful new ones.
Things are not all bad, I have been putting on weight & slowly losing it. I recently let my hair grow. I grew more of a backbone, not being afraid to speak my mind. I am blunt which gets me in trouble sometimes. I have a better outlook on life. I started to get heavily into my photography. I was slowly trying to build a relationship with my dad, even though he has been in and out of my life. He seems to never want to that I let go. I have a better relationship with my mom, I guess things are easier once your an adult and married and have your own life. My mom and step-dad have stopped comparing me to my step-sister I guess they figured out that I am not going to have kids. You know I have things I want to accomplish. Does that hinder me from starting over and spreading my wings?
Since all these changes happened I have been taking it one day at a time.I experienced a lot of new things, and slowly gained a new perspective. Letting a lot of my old friendships go, and developed new friendships along the way.
"I cannot seem to fathom
All the colors in your soul
I cannot seem to comprehend
Years of wisdom of the old "
The love of my life came into my once scattered and hectic life 11 years ago and picked me up and turned me right. It was like a fairy tale. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define and impossible to live without.
He is different and I admire that. He is the one that and I am happy with him. We are living our happily ever after.
"Just like the butterfly, I too will awaken in my own time."
Change really hits you hard.
At times for me, it is hard to accept.
I never realized how much I have changed.
Mentally and Physically.
For the first time in a long time, I took a look at some old photos of mine in some of my albums, and I kept getting the feeling that I wasn't looking at me. The person I was looking at in the pictures did not know who she is was trying too hard to figure it out.
I don't know.
Call me crazy.
"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."