I had a panic attack today.
It was worse than the one I had yesterday.
I felt it coming on in second lesson and I tried to ask to get out but the teacher didn't pay any attention to my hand in the air and by the time the lesson had ended I couldn't hold back my tears. I had to walk to the office and try not to bump into anyone and try not to let anyone see the state I was in, and when I got in there I just collapsed.
It didn't stop for maybe half an hour - I couldn't speak or move my legs properly, I kept having spasms and hitting my head against the wall. I was in a cold sweat and my chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to pass out.
I had to miss two lessons while the nurse gave me a lecture about how my anxiety's something I can control (it isn't) and how all I had to do was think positive. F*** OFF.
I did, however, get an exit card so that I can leave the class and go to the nurse's office for a bit and calm myself down.
It's so exhausting being put into fight or flight for so long every day, I can't handle it. I've been walking around like a zombie because no amount of sleep can prepare me for this. I really can't handle this anymore, I want it to go away..