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Lemonade

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December 12th, 2017


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Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 18
Country: Brazil

Signup Date:
July 28, 2017


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11/24/2017 11:16 PM 

Schooldazed
Current mood:  apathetic

This is a compilation of things I've wanted to say to a few people who walked in and out of my life. I'll tag them "embarassing letters", because virtually, that's what they are: Just a few letters to people who I don't talk to anymore, and may be embarassing to whomever reads them, but I need to get them out of my chest.

To the people @ my old school,

Look, I know being an 11 year old autistic, fat girl who loves cartoons makes me an embarrassment to society as it is, but did you have to be so mean to me? I was a kid who did dumb things. I acted like a dumbass, because I was a dumbass. That's what it boiled down to: I was a kid. I wasn't as "advanced" socially as all of you were, I cried over the smallest mistakes, I was an embarassment to everyone around me, I played with dolls and called my parents "Mommy and Daddy"....... I was a kid. An 11 year old. With overbearing parents, to top it all off - and you bullying me straight for 3 years didn't make it any better. It wasn't going to make me change, in fact, it only made me crawl further into my shell and peeling away from it today is painful.

I really did try to blend in... Don't know why it never worked. Don't know why you didn't like me. I sincerely wonder to this day why: From my pictures from that time, the only thing that was "ugly" were my crooked teeth - which half of those "pretty girls" had. And shall I mention the amount of ugly ass boys who DARED call me ugly?!

And older kids @ that school.... What's your goddamn damage? What's with these 16 and older kids bullying and throwing food at a crying 12 year old girl?! Dededesgusting.

I block most of my memories because remembering those times were painful. Feeling isolated hurts. And now I hate myself, and I'm embarassed of everything that I do. Existing is embarassing to me, so thank you!

To the girls who were my friends during that time period: Thank you, I hope you're doing okay, even though we don't talk anymore.
To the girls who were mean to me during that time period: I hate you, I hope you reflect on your life's mistakes.

Ironically enough, once I left that school, I was kinda okay. I had a few friends and people to talk to during snack time... I wasn't all alone. Freshman year, junior year and senior year were actually OK when it came to school. The biggest fallouts weren't my fault... It was a person I've yet to mention in these letters.

All I have to say is that sophomore year was annoying. To that religious girl... You weren't actually all that evil. You threatened to out me to my parents, and that's f***ing vile - I won't forgive you for this. But as much as you were an a**hole, so were you - and I don't blame you. Hope you're okay, I don't have a reason to hate you. Straight girls be straight, I guess.

Lastly... To very specific girls I remember:

Maria Eduarda, what's with 16 year olds being bullies to 12 year olds? Just 'cuz you had a rough time and were unschooled for a while, doesn't mean you get to bully me! All I can say is that you had a good scene hair, and I'll remember it as the one good feature you had.

My Science teacher from the 8th grade... Wow, you were hot. Even though you gave way too much homework. And I said things incredibly embarassing to you - but that's okay.

Rafaela... You know, I don't have much to say personally about you? You were just a rich girl. You had a nice house and everything - I guess that partially made me jealous. But you also took part in bullying me, yet invited me to your birthdays even though you hated me. 'K. You're annoying. Hope you're less of a bitch today.

Cindy...... I kinda blame you for me being gay, you know? You were beautiful, and you were... Nice to me, despite being very popular? You had no reason to, but sometimes, you would talk to me. Like, not to bully me or anything, just talk and once you asked about my art. I admire you to this day, hope you're doing well.

I guess that's all. It's nice trying to get these stories off of my chest, talk about being bullied... It helps me keep myself hooked to reality, and mostly, hooked to the present. If I have nothing to hide about my past, then I shouldn't fear anything, right?

The next letters are about two people who deserve them.

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