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01/14/2019 09:07 PM 

Untitled, possibly in progress

I've stopped counting the days

I hope that's a sign of change
It gets hard to appreciate the grey days when you're getting better
The sun used to be scalding
But now I long for the warmth of a star I once cursed
I don't want to get pushed out again
Either by myself or something else

Bun Bun

01/30/2019 04:54 PM 

The tables have turned!
Current mood:  enlightened

So me and my man argued yesterday and I figured it was because he was arguing with some of his family members yesterday. He called me this evening telling me what happened and we both apologized to each other because we sure did give each other a hard time. I was insecure and emotional during that and he wasn't able to talk to me due to conflict with his family and we took each other's external issues personally. One thing that threw me off he said he woke up this morning wanting to eat some coochie and that he wants me to ride his face, pull his hair, and talk sh*t to him. Like... I'm shook asf right now...

Wait a min.. so he wants me to be the dom now?
I dont have a dom bone in my body! My whole being screams sub if you met me in person lmao!



01/30/2019 02:24 PM 

No School Again

January 30, 2019

   Figures. I was excited to see Kat but school is closed today and tomorrow because of very cold weather. It's -4 out now. I think she's coming over this weekend though, so I'll get to see her after work that night. 
   I've been needing counseling again, and I intend on going back eventually. There's a lot I need to work on regarding my thought process and stress. I constantly worry but I have no energy. It's been like this for so long and I hate it. I miss when my mind was on my side.


01/29/2019 05:59 PM 

No Flowery Language; I Am Very Sad

i've said it before and i'll say it again

this world is too soft for me 
and i am better underground 
below the earth
and that is the place meant for me
i breathe air and it hurts my lungs
i wonder if it would be better to breathe nothing at all



01/28/2019 01:34 PM 

Journal # 41

       Man! I wish I knew how to create a website. If I could create a website, It would be a social media website. Basically it would have stuff from Facebook, Instagram, and Myspace. Too bad I don't have the slightest idea on how to do that. I don't know about anyone else, but it gets super boring when you log on to the same old same old thing. Nothing drastic ever changes. 

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