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●☆Sam☆Noir☆●

04/10/2019 04:44 PM 

Pain and Books and Writing and Other Things

Hello there buddies. I'm back with an actual blog post now and not just get-to-know-me questions. There's nothing going on at work. I'm just listening to the radio and reading one of Richard Ayoade's books. I'm feeling very odd, like I might cry. Which is weird because I woke up feeling pretty decent. I might just be PMSing. Or just having a mood swing. That's not out of the ordinary. I've got about an hour before I go home. I think it'll go quickly. 

Yesterday I felt like absolute crap physically. My punk ass pain condition decided to really let me have it (I'm in the process of weening off a medication that my body grew to rely on). I was not feeling confident that it would get any better, but when I woke up this morning I was pleased to discover that it had. Nothing too major, but slight improvements. However, just the diseases presence causes me anxiety. Knowing that at any moment it could spring up and attack me makes me never able to fully relax. Within the last hour or so I've started feeling a burning sensation on my face, particularly around my eyes. This has happened before. But it immediately started upsetting me. The more I panic the worse it gets, but I don't know how to just fully let go and chill. Guess I have to start practicing. Not having control of something is not something I generally like. This is just a problem I've always had. But I really need to start working on it. I need to convince myself that not knowing what's going to happen is not bad. Not everything unknown is dangerous. 

Ugh, I'm just getting more nervous as the time goes on. 

I think I'm gonna stop here. I'm sorry. I just don't wanna keep talking at the moment.

leo, like the star system

04/10/2019 09:27 PM 

sometimes people say i look a bit like frank and sometimes i can see it and it makes me happy

frank iero, james, frnkiero

●☆Sam☆Noir☆●

04/09/2019 07:45 PM 

Another List of Questions
Current mood:  frustrated

63 Annoying Questions Survey 


1. Song that always makes you sad? Pieces of You by Epik High. Also, When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne and Desert Island Questionnaire by Conor Oberst. 

2. Last thing you bought? With my own money, gas haha

3. Last person you argued with? My brother

4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on? Ew no why 

5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? Panda-E!

6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd? Lol nope, never was my thing

7. Favorite day of the week? I'm gonna be basic and say Friday

8. Favorite Sundae topping? Peanut Butter!

9. Did you take Piano lessons? Yup, as a young child

10. Most frequent song played? Oh god I dunno lemme check Spotify, please hold. Okay so looks like it's either Choke by IDKHBTFM or Dig Up Her Bones by the Misfits

11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? House Hunters, hehe

12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Hockey all the way

13. Date someone older or younger? I always dated people who were older

14. One place you could travel right now? I'd go to the mountains, I miss it up there. 

15. Do you use umbrellas? Sometimes! If I remember one haha 

16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? Not at all haha 

17. Favorite Cheese? Good ol' Vermont sharp cheddar 

18. The Smith's or the Cure? Ooh that's rough, it really depends what mood I'm in. I like both bands, but I possibly like The Cure just a tad bit more

19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes? No preference really

20. Best job you ever had? I'd say it was my first job working at a grocery store when I was 16. I made so many friends there and had so many great times

21. did you go to your high school prom? Yeah, and it was alright, but I liked going to the beach and getting drunk afterwards with my buddies much more haha

22. perfect time to wake up? Like 9:30am

23. perfect time to go to bed? 10:30-11:00pm

24. do you use your queen right away in chess? Not usually

25. Ever been in a car accident? Only once, we didn't get hurt but the car was totaled 

26. closer to mom or dad...or neither? I'm close to both of them equally, but in very different ways.

27. what age is this exciting life over for you? The excitement is never over, friend.

28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? 80's probably

29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? Oh god this is hard... I had these bright red sandals for a while that I loved. My current favorite shoes are my red Chelsea boots.

30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? Oh yeah, many. I didn't grow much 

31. Were you in track and field? Lol oh no way 

32. Were you ever in a school talent show? Yes, in junior high and I played flute 

33. Have you ever written in a library book? I'm sure I have at some point

34. Allergic to? Just one thing in the entire world, and for some strange reason I'm allergic to guinea pigs

35. Favorite fruit? Apples

36. Have you watched sex and the city? Nope, never really had any interest

37. Baseball hat or toque? Toques more often

38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? Shampoo first 

39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? You gotta wet it!

40. Pen or pencil? Pen

41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Gambling ain't my thing but I've been to casinos 

42. Have you thrown up on a plane? No, thank god

43. Have you thrown up in a car? When I was very young 

44. Have you thrown up at work? Nope

45. Do you scream on roller coasters? Haha sometimes!

46. Who was your first prom date? Junior prom with my boyfriend at the time

47. Who was your first roommate? This girl who probably now hates my guts lmao

48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Oh god I can't remember

49. What was your first job? At a grocery store!

50. What was your first car? A Jeep 

51. When did you go to your first funeral? Oh I dunno maybe I was like 8

52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 18

53. Who was your first grade teacher? I won't say his name but he was a very nice guy

54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Jamaica 

55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never did

56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? This girl Melissa, and we still keep in touch!

57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? In a dorm at my first college, a nine hour drive away from home

58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Probably my boyfriend

59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Hasn't happened yet!

60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Pee probably haha

61. What was the first concert you attended? Aaron Carter baybeeeeee

62. First tattoo or piercing? First piercing were my ears when I was younger and first tattoo I got when I was 18 and it's on my ribs

63. First celebrity crush? Aaron Carter lol


questions, about me,

XxXTrag3dy_Str1k3zXxX

04/08/2019 09:27 PM 

ugh // vent
Current mood:  angsty

(this is gonna be in normal txt bc I don't have the energy to type how I normally do)


Okay so time to make the internet my diary

I turned down my friend's invitation, and I feel really sh*tty.

Like really sh*tty.

The thing is, they weren't upset and said it was fine. I know they asked as a friend, but it felt kinda weird, y'know? Like if my best friend of 6 years would ask me, I'd say sure. But the thing is, I have major trust issues. I'm only just now, after six years, close to fully trusting my best friend. Someone I've been with from 4th grade to (current) freshmen year. This friend and I have only known each other for around a year. Another reason I declined was because I used to have a major crush on them, but it died down because I realized it would be unhappy due to the age gap. (They're a senior, 18, I'm a freshman, 14.). It just didn't feel right, and I feel like they would enjoy themselves better with someone more so in their age range/maturity level.

I feel so bad for declining though. Like sick to your stomach, almost wanna cry, wanting to sleep so I don't wallow in feeling miserable, kinda guilt. I care about this friend a lot and I'm so upset at the possibility that I may have hurt them. I'm just so upset, I don't know what to do. And it doesn't help that everyone is making me feel bad about my decision.. Hell, even my mom has. "This is their last year!" and "When I was a freshman I dated a senior.", "You should have thought about it!!". The way they asked was their friend came over and was like "Go to prom with [name]". Not in a blunt way, just saying what my friend couldn't. I feel so bad, like I've let them and everyone else down.

And another thing is that I'm always sad because I don't have a partner. I know they asked me out just as a friend, but I've always had the suspicion they might've had a crush on me, due to their own issues. But here I am, declining because of age/maturity levels. I feel so bad for letting them all down, not just my friend. F***.

This sucks.

vent , sad vent , ugh , I feel like shit ,

Evan Strange

04/08/2019 05:03 PM 

63 Annoying Questions
Current mood:  bored

1. Song that always makes you sad?

"Miserable at best" by Mayday Parade


2. Last thing you bought?

 Stuff for doing a cake


3. Last person you argued with?

One of my best friend


4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on?

I don't do this at all


5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? 


6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cds

What ? 


7. Favorite day of the week?

The week end so Friday, Saturday and Sunday


8. Favorite Sundae topping?


9. Did you take Piano lessons? 

Nope


10. Most frequent song played?

Actually : "Drugs" by Falling In Reverse


11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?

None


12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?

Nothing


13. Date someone older or younger?

It depends of the age but i don't mind


14. One place you could travel right now?

USA, California


15. Do you use umbrellas?

No


16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?

Nope


17. Favorite Cheese?

I don't have one, not my thing


18. The Smith's or the Cure?



19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes?


20. Best job you ever had?


21. did you go to your high school prom?

Don't have this there


22. perfect time to wake up?

 8 or 9.30 am


23. perfect time to go to bed?

It Depends


24. do you use your queen right away in chess?



25. Ever been in a car accident?

Nope


26. closer to mom or dad...or neither?

Both


27. what age is this exciting life over for you?

Don't want to answer to this


28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?

80's and 2000's


29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?

My Dr.Marteans since my middle school


30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?

Yep


31. Were you in track and field?



32. Were you ever in a school talent show?

Nope


33. Have you ever written in a library book?

I don't think


34. Allergic to? 

One thing


35. Favorite fruit?

Hum... Strawberry maybe ? 


36. Have you watched sex and the city?

Nope


37. Baseball hat or toque?



38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?

Shampoo first


39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?

Wet the toothbrush


40. Pen or pencil?

Pen


41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?

No


42. Have you thrown up on a plane?

Never take the plane


43. Have you thrown up in a car?

Sadly  yep


44. Have you thrown up at work?

No


45. Do you scream on roller coasters?

Never try it and don't want to


46. Who was your first prom date?

We don't do prom night there


47. Who was your first roommate?

I have always shared my room with my sis


48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time?

Never be drunk


49. What was your first job?

I will start this summer so i don't know wet


50. What was your first car?

I don't have a car


51. When did you go to your first funeral?

Never go to funeral


52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?

Never moved away 


53. Who was your first grade teacher?

I don't know


54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?

never take the airplane


55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?

Never did it


56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?

A girl when i was like 5 years old, we don't talk that much now 


57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?

Didn't leave yet


58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?

One of my best friend


59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?

Never been the groomsmen


60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

Check my phone quickly and breakfast


61. What was the first concert you attended?

I don't remember


62. First tattoo or piercing?

One earring 


63. First celebrity crush?

I don't have such things I don't even get why I would have a crushed on a celebrity




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