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day 13: the witchdir robert egers8.5/10she sure is a witch. uh. yeah to be honest i saw this one a while ago and i dont remember much?? all i know is i want to be her friend aybe dance m=naked in the woods. idk ♥

day 12: hereditary dir ari aster8.5/10available on netflix and like every single i113g41 streaming site i know ok. i know its basic. i know its overhyped. i f***ikg know. the cycles of trauma got to me alright. anyway heres my dumb personal analysis of the film the first thing i think of when i think of hereditary is mental illness. and it’s easy to see that in the film- the grandmother to the mother to the son and daughter- i tried to stop it but she wouldn’t let me. she got to the daughter too soon. how many times have i thought about going to my sisters funeral. how many times as a suicidal member of my family been found my someone else. how many times did we brush past it, learning nothing at all, no one taking any responsibility for anything. how many times have we believed in god and angels and visions of the dead before we believed in psychosis and hard sh*t and trauma. my mother uses essential oils. my mother, the cancer survivior uses essential oils. i go to a child’s social worker for therapy. me, the pyschotic teen, goes to a children’s social worker.instead of dealing with sh*t, we bury it. we put it in art. we put it in violence. other people tell us that we are normal. that we are strange. that they can fix us.  that we are unfixable. they are outsiders. they are insiders. it feels like there’s a curse on your family and they’d probably believe it before believing in the cycle of trauma. my great grandmother crawls over the dead bodies of children at her school. my grandfather has depression. he tries to kill himself. he keeps trying. his brothers do the same. his brother in law succeeds. my mom forgets everything always writing it off and shredding it. i continue to exist.if i didn’t get it i was gonna get it anyway. if i didn’t come about it on my own it would come to me and keep coming to me, like a dead fish rising in a lake. you try to make it. if you write it down that means it’s worth reading. it means it all meant something. it was all for something. it was all art.  or maybe it was all just a sad thing that happened. and maybe that’s too much.hereditary does a good job or showing familial trauma and illness. we are all infected by each other. and that’s why we are the only people who can understand each other. you open your mouth and your sisters voice comes out. your mother hates her mother even though she fails to see her own transformation- one day she looks in the mirror and flinches, waiting for the hand to fall. 

day 11: p dir paul spurrier9.5/10available on netflix (i tried to find it somewhere else for free but there isnt a huge online presecne for the film :(( demon prostitute pedo killing lesbian witch of my dreamsit’s gory & glossy & glam, like a combination of jennifer’s body & burlesque & the ring.ever seen a man get his d*ck bitten off by a snake? or a slow burn dyke relationship between two woc in a horror? or a sexy old magic man? i have. and i will again bc this is now one of my top horror films. only took one point off bc (major spoiler) 1/2 of the lesbian couple gets gutted :(( 

day 10: unfriended: dark webdir. stephan susco6/10available free on seriesonline.ioi would literally drill a hole into my skull for friends like this. love this move love how insane and weird it allows itself to get!! the only thing i dislike is some of the pacing and the ending (though it is totally unexpected and exciting, i just personally didnt find it satisfying) but sum of the kills were rlly creative so its def worth a watch even if its just the kill countmatias4besthorrorsob 

yeah i forgot to do these again but i just got out of a depressive eipsode and then i stayed up for a day and a half and now ? im manic and drank 8 cus of coffe  lets go ladiesday 9: the slumber party massacredir. amy holden jones sr: rita mae brown 7/10available free herebig boobs bigger fake outs. ngl tho it felt kinda exciting counting all the fake scares!!! as of this im counting about 7 and we are 30 mins in. would make a great drinking game (update: just got high out of my f***inh mind like 40 mins in i f***ing love this movie) its one of those flicks you leave on in the background while youre doing your hair or texting or something. mindless and fun to look at, with some funny lines thrown in every few minutes, and enough tit and batsh*t shenanigans to keep your attention  ok i just saw the fridge gag. slumber party massacre king of comedyfinal diagnoses: good if yr like me and kinda terrible but also rlly fun 80s horror is yr fav genre 

What are these lollipops called? My brother and I just had an arguement b/c he calls them "Sweatie Pops" Like wtf is a sweatie pop? I just call them lollipops, cuz i dont know if they have a name. Anyway, do u call the Sweatie Pops, or Lollipops?

we didnt talk a ton today except we texted a tiny bit in the morning and she called me at about 12:50 and we spent the night together, which was really nice:) she was feeling pretty bad today, so i tried to give her space. i wish there was more i could do for her or to help her when shes feeling like this. it makes me sad to know how much she has to deal with, but im glad ik how shes feeling. i love her so much. the stuffie she got me came today!!! omg its so cute! i love it so much. i fell asleep hugging it which was so nice and maggie said i looked cute:) 

hi i hate myself and my art, i hate how i look i hate how i act i hate every tiny thing about myself, ive rarely felt confident in myself and when i do it doesnt last very long. i have the worlds lowest self esteem, nothing could change my mind

i died my hair black lol 

melancholy:a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.just finished reading jaden's blog. it was nice. i didnt realize it but it was making me smile. then i started to cry.i dont know why.im still crying.it was around the part where he was talking about houses that i started to tear up. its nice to have someone be so happy about anything. i still cant believe i can make someone so happy.i feel bad for him at times. it seems like in jaden's mind, his future with me is bright.i cant deny, it feels nice having my name next to words like "happy" & "love". never thought itd be possible.but since i can remember, ive always seen my future as something dark. i try, i honestly try to imitate his cheerfulness.sometimes i do daydream about us. our journey. the first time we meet, our first date, marriage, and whatever comes after. its nice. i dig deep inside and bring out happy maggie. ..but they never stay for too long.they leave. im left blank.im always left blank.thats when sadness creeps in.its always there. it comes when it wants to.like yesterday. i was having a good time talking to jaden. i was making fart noises for him. i was watching him laugh. he looked so happy.then it just creeped in. that emptiness and sadness came in. i felt it. i felt it take over my whole body. i wanted to cry. suddenly this little cheerful person i was watching on my screen was the saddest thing i'd seen in my life. i couldnt match his joy. its odd. he stares back, but theres nothing to look at. its empty. no one is there looking back at him. its gonna be like that when he sees me physically. he'll be looking at something thats empty. emptiness and sadness never leave. ive been feeling pretty empty since then. the feeling is bigger now. thats when thoughts come in. earlier today i was at the doctors office. 9th floor. all i could see was my hair flowing freely and me hitting the ground. the images wouldnt stop. they kept playing over and over...i try. ive always tried to make this thing inside me go away but it doesnt want to. its part of me and i cant understand it. thats why its so hard to explain it all to someone who loves me. "what can i do?"the truth is. i dont have the answer to that.ever since this thing has been with me, my job has been to search for an answer for others. but there is none. even if i found one, they wouldnt understand. they never do, they always fail. thats why i gave up on explaining.sadness is there. it'll always be there. it has no cause.its just here with me.its me.  

Gorr'Rylaehotep and  His WrathGorr’Rílæhotép okh Hjés Réíðú:ᚷᛟᚱᚱ ᚱᛁᛚᚩᛖᚻᛟᛏᛖᛈ ᛟᚲᚻ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚱᛖᛁᚦᚢ:Germanic-English1 Hínaúbér ðí Wodsés,   Sínd Rétsíge af Bræúms.2 Okh hínaúbér jéné bræúms,   Ladŭlníér ðí Groʃé God dér Wodsérés  Wém wíértíér okfa hérrşé ínérkhalb   Þí Víérşté-Vald.3 Sogwol, şonsaí Hí és ðí Groʃé God,   Jéméno wér entsíérs læsért, ér entsíérs   Néğmén vortéílé gégén-Hím ínérkhalb   Þí Wodsérés: sol̄ séhén okh tréf̄é Hjés   Réíðú.4 Wol’ éúç maí-nŭl séhén Hjés anşkit,   For és ést līr af aúsdrúkhé, abér   Þír wíl̄é bí aktíoné fråné Hím.5 Ín Hjés aktíonés, Hí sol̄ éntféʃéln Hjés   Téntakélés gégén Hjés gégnérs,   For ðírér gífŭltérsé wíð ðí súbştansérs   Af krŭlkéhaín okh Têd.Germanic-English (Runic)1 ᚻᛁᚾᚩᚢᛒᛖᚱ ᚦᛁ ᚹᛟᛞᛋᛖᛋ   ᛋᛁᚾᛞ ᚱᛖᛏᛋᛁᚷᛖ ᚩᚠ ᛒᚱᚩᛖᚢᛗᛋ.2 ᛟᚲᚻ ᚻᛁᚾᚩᚢᛒᛖᚱ ᛃᛖᚾᛖ ᛒᚱᚩᛖᚢᛗᛋ   ᛚᚩᛞᚢᚢᛚᚾᛁᛖᚱ ᚦᛁ ᚷᚱᛟᛋᛋᛖ ᚷᛟᛞ ᛞᛖᚱ ᚹᛟᛞᛋᛖᚱᛖᛋ   ᚹᛖᛗ ᚹᛁᛖᚱᛏᛁᛖᚱ ᛟᚲᚠᚩ ᚻᛖᚱᛋᚲᚻᛖ ᛁᚾᛖᚱᚲᚻᚩᛚᛒ   ᚦᛁ ᚤᛁᛖᚱᛋᚲᚻᛏᛖ ᚤᚩᛚᛞ.3 ᛋᛟᚷᚹᛟᛚ ᛋᚲᚻᛟᚾᛋᚩᛁ ᚻᛁ ᛖᛋ ᚦᛁ ᚷᚱᛟᛋᛋᛖ ᚷᛟᛞ   ᛃᛖᛗᛖᚾᛟ ᚹᛖᚱ ᛖᚾᛏᛋᛁᛖᚱᛋ ᛚᚩᛖᛋᛖᚱᛏ ᛖᚱ ᛖᚾᛏᛋᛁᛖᚱᛋ   ᚾᛖᚷᚻᛗᛖᚾ ᚤᛟᚱᛏᛖᛁᛚᛖ ᚷᛖᚷᛖᚾ ᚻᛁᛗ ᛁᚾᛖᚱᚲᚻᚩᛚᛒ   ᚦᛁ ᚹᛟᛞᛋᛖᚱᛖᛋ ᛋᛟᛚᛚ ᛋᛖᚻᛖᚾ ᛟᚲᚻ ᛏᚱᛖᚠᚠᛖ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ   ᚱᛖᛁᚦᚢ.4 ᚹᛟᛚ ᛖᚢᚲᚻ ᛗᚩᛁᚾᚢᚢᛚ ᛋᛖᚻᛖᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚩᚾᛋᚲᚻᚲᛁᛏ   ᚠᛟᚱ ᛖᛋ ᛖᛋᛏ ᛚᛁᛁᚱ ᚩᚠ ᚩᚢᛋᛞᚱᚢᚲᚻᛖ ᚩᛒᛖᚱ   ᚦᛁᚱ ᚹᛁᛚᛚᛖ ᛒᛁ ᚩᚲᛏᛁᛟᚾᛖ ᚠᚱᚫᚾᛖ ᚻᛁᛗ.5 ᛁᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚩᚲᛏᛁᛟᚾᛖᛋ ᚻᛁ ᛋᛟᛚᛚ ᛖᚾᛏᚠᛖᛋᛋᛖᛚᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ   ᛏᛖᚾᛏᚩᚲᛖᛚᛖᛋ ᚷᛖᚷᛖᚾ ᚻᛃᛖᛋ ᚷᛖᚷᚾᛖᚱᛋ,   ᚠᛟᚱ ᚦᛁᚱᛖᚱ ᚷᛁᚠᚢᚢᛚᛏᛖᚱᛋᛖ ᚹᛁᚦ ᚦᛁ ᛋᚢᛒᛋᚲᚻᛏᚩᚾᛋᛖᚱᛋ   ᚩᚠ ᚲᚱᚢᚢᛚᚲᛖᚻᚩᛁᚾ ᛟᚲᚻ ᛏᛟᛖᛞ.English Translation1 Beyond the Woods,   Are a vast of trees.2 And beyond those trees,   Summons the Great God of the Forests   Whom would also rule within the   Fourth World.3 Even though, since He is the Great God,   Anyone who decides to blaspheme, or   Decides to take advantage against Him   Within the Forests: shall see and meet His   Wrath.4 Though ye' may not see His face,   For it is empty of expression, but there   Will be actions from Him.5 In His actions, He shall unleash His   Tentacles against His adversaries   For they're filled with the substances   Of sickness and death.⊗ Héíl Gorr’Rílæhotép - ᚻᛖᛁᛚ ᚷᛟᚱᚱ ᚱᛁᛚᚩᛖᚻᛟᛏᛖᛈ - Hail Gorr’Rylaehotep (the Slender Man) ⊗

maggie said i looked cute today:) she changed her profiles on discord and twitter and they look really cool! she knows how to do cool fonts and stuff like that it looks awesome! she gave me a font to use for twitter and that was really nice. hacker maggie lol we played lots of cod today, which was awesome! we(mostly me) were kinda sucking in the morning though:/ she laughed at me cus i like kfc lmao. i talked to her for a bit in just spanish. i really want to get better. we talked about our house today:) and we looked up houses in washington and we saw some really cool ones! i cant wait to live with her shes so amazing. she made fart noises which were f***ing hilarious. maggie helped me practice kissing too. when we started i sucked but i think i started getting better. she has such cute hands. she wrote a blog yesterday and it was amazing! shes such a good writer. i hope she writes more cus i really liked reading it

I started a new job last Tuesday. Last week was all about training. Tomorrow is my first real shift. Since Friday I've been in complete sloth mode. I'm enjoying all the leisure time I have left.The job is fairly simple but demands a lot of customer service action if you know what I mean. The dress code is kind of sad. It is a company Tee with dark pants or jeans and your wonderful nonslip shoes of course. We get to wear aprons too so I bet I'll look real wifey in 'em.We can't wear colorful pants or pants with print on them. We can't wear any COLOR beside black pants. I don't have that many pants at the moment and I don't solely want to wear jeans to work. I'm planning on making some culottes, cigarettes, and straight-leg pants after a couple of paychecks. I was also thinking of sewing some long-sleeved shirts because that place doesn't believe in turning the damn AC off! I have to go and finish some partial derivatives.Until next time.

Today I woke up with yesterday's makeup guess u can tell how my day started from THAT  so then I went downstairs and made coffe in my pijamas and then went upstairs again and watched "skins" all day , then I cried about ..... well into small words how great f***ing life is  after all of those many things that I did I went and showered with cold as f*** water just to take my mind of things, cause I think to much  and after that I got ready while listening to The best song "lovers rock" by tv gir ( very underrated) and then went and ate an ice cream cone  PRETTY DOPE  ! and went back home and watched moreee "skins" …… ohh and I also watched Tim burton  corpse bride , again that's a really cool movie , soo yehh that was my day pretty interesting …… anyways bye losers imma sleep  GN

i want to be more active on here. write a blog everyday. but im kinda boring tbh.jaden writes everyday...everyday. its always about me. he includes other stuff but the main focus is maggie. its cute. it makes me smile.(he's singing to me rn lmao. blood and tears by danzing. hm...i may be wrong but i have a feeling. i feel like he sings it but his purpose is practicing for the next time he has to sing it to me. idk maybe im reaching.)anyway, (i get distracted a lot) i try to keep up w his blog and leave a comment behind (im also dyslexic. illiterate too ig). ik he appreciates my comments. (lmao hes singing mother by danzig now. lmao. hes putting a lot of emotion into it. hes so dorky. its cute)so yeah. i hope he sees my comments. he can be slow sometimes lol. its funny.  ik he'll find my entries. he likes stalking me. he'll be here (hi jaden) i hope he doesnt feel bad if i write something that seems a bit off.i just wanna use this ig to express myself. when i want. bc lets be honest...imma forget about this in like 3 days. so yeah, if i use this to express myself, i wanna be honest you know...ig my problem is not know what to write about. idk....i have to make dinner but im not hungry. maybe i'll  just eat a salad today i dont want to eat meat anymore. thinking about it makes me want to cry. idk why i have to have such a hard time w food. like i have enough already. i always say that...but its true. i dont need an ed. my whole life has been a huge f***ing struggle w food and i hate it. im over it. completely over it...ig me being "over it" doesnt really matter bc its still here. itll always be here. crap, i needed 2 more games! i need coins on cod. ig i'll be back later. imma tell jaden to stop singing now lol we have to get back to gaming.ok bye!