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06/21/2019 10:25 PM 

heart attack

Currently displaying symptoms:///// Perpetual ache in chest, very heavy feeling in body. ///// All scheduled events cancelled due to heartbreak :(  


06/21/2019 10:14 PM 

Current mood:  gloomy

it is hard to explain the many small injustices in the face of this big one I seem to have created. In the beginning I had a wisp of an idea that i might be making a mistake, but i did not know how events would play out. No such thing as the right decision, only the most honest. The universe will reprimand you for faking when it comes back around to reset the truth. But you don’t believe me, and that is one of the small injustices,


06/21/2019 07:37 PM 

Journal # 63

       I just did 100 crunches. I can feel the aftermath of it right now. I am trying to get into the habit of doing crunches or sit-ups every single day. I was going to just stop eating as much, but I don't want to stop eating. I have grown to love eating. I have no problem with my body except my protruding stomach. I love my big ass and my big boobs. I just want my stomach to be flat. I have gotten super basic with my selfies lately because of my size. I don't usually get too creative with them anymore. When I was skinny as f*** I could pull off any photo. I was skinny as f*** and pretty as f***. I don't feel as good about myself as I did when I weighed 118 pounds. It's hard for me to get into the habit of working out because my whole life I was skinny and never needed too. Back then I didn't really gain weight either. I had a hard time gaining much weight most my life. Now that I gained weight I can't seem to get the pounds off. It f***ing sucks which is why I am now trying to do crunches every single day. Once it gets too easy, I will have to up the amount I do a day.       I am almost done with the dishes! I have maybe like 2 or 3 more loads to soak and do. It's a good feeling to get something done. I can't stand it when the house is a mess. I really want it to look completely spotless, but I know that won't happen any time soon unless Kenny helps me clean. I've been doing really good at checking off everything that I need to do lately. I have been on a role. I am so sick of sitting at home its not even funny. I really want a job so I can buy sh*t and not have to hear it from my boyfriend when I ask him for money. Now I will be able to pay for my sh*t without Kenny helping me out all the time. I miss being able to have money to spend. It's not much, but it's still money.        I wonder when Kenny is going to be back. He has been gone for awhile. I am super f***ing bored. I don't want to drink though. I want to get high. Besides, smoking weed is way better for you than getting drunk. Weed you can't get addicted too. Alcohol on the other hand, you can. Every time you get super f***ing drunk you are risking getting alcohol poisoning, risking a mean hang over the next day, and risk throwing up depending on how much you choose to drink. None of that type of sh*t happens when you smoke weed. If anything, it has more of a positive effect on your body than harmful. No one has ever died from smoking weed. People have died from drinking too much. I really want to f***ing grow so that I never have to spend a single dime on pot ever again. I can't though until my boyfriend is off papers.        My confidence has really been up and down lately. I really need to stop comparing myself to other girls that are skinnier or prettier, and do something about it. Going back to me mentioning that I am going to be working out just my stomach. I am hoping that once my stomach fat is gone, then maybe my confidence will come back full force. I hate feeling like this. I know every single girl goes through this sh*t no matter what she looks like, but ya know. Ya can't really avoid it.       I hope Kenny gets home soon. I really want to hang out with him. I will prob work on cleaning my room aka our room, and do some dishes. It's something to pass the time. I find myself bored a lot of the time lately. I really need a job so I can get back to enjoying the little things like watching TV or reading a book. It gets old doing the same sh*t over and over again. I feel lonely. I hate not being able to hang out with people whenever the f*** I please. I haven't seen Korri in a long time. I have no idea why. Maybe she is finally stepping up to the plate and spending time with her kid. I have no idea what shes been up to. We talk once in awhile, but not very often.        

Adam's Girl [06.04.13♥]

06/21/2019 03:10 PM 

All about YOUR senior year at H.S.

Think about your SENIOR year in High School. The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be:20071. Did you know your current love? Yes. He was my crush2. Type of car?Dodge Omni3. What kind of job did you have?House keeping at the vista 4. Where did you live? With my mom & dad5. Were you popular? Probably not, idc lol 6. Were you in choir? No7. Ever get suspended from school? No8. If you could would you go back?Yes!9. Still talk to the person that you went to prom with? No10. Did you skip school? Yes11. Go to all the football games?Yes12. Favorite subject? Math & Early Childhood Education 13. Do you still have your yearbooks? I have 2 right now 14. Did you follow the career path? Kinda lol im a mom now. 15.Do you have a class ring?Nope16. Still close with your best friend?Yes 17. Who was your favorite teacher?  Lori Adkins 18. What was your style?Comfy19. Favorite shoes? Whatever I had. Idk20. Favorite thing to eat in cafeteria?  Pizza21. Favorite band? B5, 2XL2. High school hair? Either straight or perm23. What kind of perfume/cologne? Vanilla 24. How old when you graduated? 1725. Did you play a sport?Tried track didn't like it Ok, it’s your turn! 😆(Press finger, copy & paste to your status, change the answers & pass it on)

Nova Nightmares

06/21/2019 12:53 PM 

Lonely... :(
Current mood:  lonely

Heyzz.. I don't like 2 talk anout my feelings online.. but I rlly rlly wish I had sum emo/scene friendz irl. I hav 1 but we r the only ones around that we know of. I would love to get a group of people together a take over Ross Park Mall. (a mall near where I live). Would anyone b down for this???

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