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Aradana ʚ♡ɞ

01/20/2020 01:30 AM 

update on da birthday + late night thoughts
Current mood:  melancholy

had the worst birthday evr ♥ doesn’t feel like birthdays just get progressively worse and start to lose the magic as you get older? one more year closer in this march towards inevitable death. that’s very unsettling n disturbing don’t you think? i had a surprise party and don’t get me wrong i’m incredibly thankful for it but i really just planned on staying home and napping today. the party was overly stimulating and has drained me so much. now i have a whole week of school and projects ahead of me and zero energy to get through it. birthdays used to be my favourite thing and now with my mental health in this state, it felt like a below average day and i feel so dissatisfied. it’s just... one wasted birthday... we all only get a few and it’s such a shame to waste it. anyway, i got combat boots, milk and honey by rupi kaur, the seteven universe comic, a letter light, a candle, stickers, temporary tattoos, a keychain, snacks, skincare stuff n loads more which i’m so grateful for!! but one person, whom i’ve known for over 11 years didn’t wish me a happy birthday. she talked to me, and she knew it was my birthday, and yet she went out of her way to ignore the fact that it was. it hurt. i hate how i always build myself up for disappointment!! >:( someone play ignorance by paramore goddamn.i’d like to try n make my life better, it always backfires on me because my luck is absolute sh*te :( but i would just love to be content. why am i so ungrateful?? anyway i should sleep... goodnight!- ara ʚ♡ɞ

birthday, blog, update, late night

cupid

01/19/2020 05:39 PM 

insta!
Current mood:  adventurous

im cupid! follow me on ig @pixieritual  comment n ill follow u back

#scene #insta #instagram

M

01/18/2020 08:43 PM 

Sharing is caring

https://youtu.be/d0nvoUNyTk8

M

01/18/2020 08:37 PM 

Song of mine

https://youtu.be/4qgaXVpU_qMI put a lot of me in this song; written literally from the heart.

Aradana ʚ♡ɞ

01/19/2020 02:35 AM 

birthday + innermost thoughts!!
Current mood:  nostalgic

hi!! i turned 15 2 hours and 24 minutes ago. it feels different. lying here in bed, listening to the strokes and hearing my sisters soft breath while she’s sleeping has been a norm for me. but it feels different now, heavier. i’m semi drunk and thinking too much. i feel something in the pits of my stomach, it feels bad, could it be uncertainty?? i don’t think i’ve ever felt so alone.in these 2 and a half hours i have cried around 3 times. i want to experience life, but something is holding me back, an invisible ball n chain to the person i used to be, preventing me from being the person i want to be. who am i now though? i’m in a grey area.... it feels more like a hell than a purgatory though. i’m undeserving of good things, good feelings, good people. i would like to lay down beside someone and just give everything of me to them. feel everything they offer me through calloused fingertips and my hands clawing at wet grass on a starry night. f***, it was so real for a while. whatever’s ahead of me is unknown. i just don’t want to regret anything. yknow?- ara ʚ♡ɞ

birthday, life update, blog, thoughts, poetry




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