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02/21/2019 03:36 PM 

Journal # 45

       Oh my god! I just found out that my transgender friend was arrested last night! It doesn't feel real to me. I found out from someone who I used to work with (her name is also Lauren). Paige told me she was in trouble because she had a child abuse charge. I'm not one to judge when it comes to sh*t like that because I made a mistake last year and ended up getting a domestic violence charge due to my really bad anger problems. That doesn't make me a bad person though. I just have anger issues that have never been taken care of when I was growing up. Anyways, she told me that she was having these issues but failed to mention that she was also getting charged with child pornography. My boyfriend went to prison and we were watching one of those prison show's one day and I asked him "Why is this girl lying about being in there for child abuse?" and he told me that she was lying because if the people in jail found out the real reason she was in there, she would get her ass beat, bullied really badly, or even worse! Killed. Now I am worried that she will end up getting into a lot of trouble in there with the inmates. I hope she doesn't tell people the real reason she is in there or else she is f***ed! To make matters even worse, she is a transgender women. She will already get heat for all of that sh*t being in there unless she doesn't tell anyone this information either. Man! I'm so worried about her now! People make mistakes! We are not perfect. She should not of bail jumped though either. She might be in there for a long time... bless her soul. It's punishment enough to be in jail for a f*** up, but its really bad if inmates don't like you and want to make your life a living hell. This is the link that my coworker sent me:

       It's day three with my angel bites and the one that I just did yesterday is bugging me like crazy. I forgot how annoying the healing process is when you get a piercing. When you get a new piercing it is super irritated for the first few days and it sucks! I really wanted to do it though so I did it. If it really starts to bother me though I will just take it out. I doubt that I will, but ya never know. 
       I am getting so sick of winter. It is really kicking my ass. It hasn't really bothered me all that much until recently. I have been hit with laziness really hard. I was doing so good! I was on top of cleaning the apartment all of the time and then all of the sudden, SPLAT! My energy and motivation just totally disappeared! That isn't the only reason the winter is kicking my ass though. I am also constantly having problems getting in and out of the driveway every time I want to leave the house. It keeps snowing so I end up getting stuck and can't get out, or I am able to get out and can't get back in so I am forced to park some where else near by. It's bullsh*t! The landlord should be paying someone to come every time that it snows and have that sh*t taken care of but no. All us residents have to shovel. I find that ridiculous. I talked to my parents about it, and they told me that I shouldn't have to do that. I can understand shoveling your own parking spot, but yesterday me and my dad were outside shoveling the entire driveway. He was not happy. In-fact, he was f***ing pissed the hell off. I only asked him because I'm a tiny girl. How does the landlord expect someone my size to shovel all that snow? When I was trying to shovel that one day for Korri to be able to go home, I was doing it all by myself and barely got much done within 30 minutes or so. It can be really frustrating sometimes. Summer can't come soon enough for me. I mean, I can wait because I like my winter outfits and sh*t, but mentally I am happier and healthier in the summer time. 


02/21/2019 01:47 PM 

Current mood:  artistic

It cannot be assumed that one's identity is known.

By oneself, by others, by the gods of old.
Anything that creates a feeling of pure inspiration and joy
Is how I prefer to self-identify.
I've spent years growing up,
Losing sight of my self.
MY self.
As we age, we are forced to forget and pretend.
Unlike the make believe we played as children,
This new game is not fun.
I'm tired of pretending to be an adult.
I never wanted this life.  
I didn't ask for this.
All I wanted
To create
And perform.

adulting, identity, crisis, artist, musician, creativity, aging, time


02/21/2019 11:59 PM 

im really bad at dungeons and dragons
Current mood:  embarrassed

i play dnd with my friend Aisha and we dm separate campaigns for eachother, and yesterday she was the one DMing her campaign

and she introduced the villain which was like... magically chained up in some necklace artifact thing or something?
and i walk in there seeing this big spooky no-faced cloaked guy with a thousand names and voices and im like
"but what if hes nice"
so i unchain him and he poofed off somewhere, vowing to destroy the world.

this isnt the first time i tried to make friends with monsters,
while i was doing a guard job for the town i live in, i was supposed to catch some bandits
and i actually found one of them in a net, but i didn't know she was one of the bandits, so i helped her down
and then when i turned around she hit me in the back of the head and knocked me out.
when i woke up i was in the middle of an orc camp tied up, but i mean, hey! everyone has their bad days.
so i told the orc mom her soup was really good, and eventually they let me go.

dnd, dungeons and dragons, d&d


02/21/2019 09:25 PM 

Current mood:  adventurous

Xx_Welcome To My Twisted Mind_xX

Part 1:

1.) What is your name?
adam, or xXAdamAntidoteXx if u will xD

2.) Emo, Scene, or both?
scene kidz fur lyfe!! bt i do luv emos 2 x3

3.) Post a selfie.
ill do it wen i get mah hair cut, itz way 2 long nao D:

4.) How old are you?
16, mah bday iz on june 11th! 0w0

5.) When did you first become emo/scene?
i waz more emo wen i was 11-15, before dat i waz definitely scene bt i didnt know teh word fr it cuz i wasnt on da interwebz a lot!! nao im back to mah kolorful self xP

6.) What’s your favorite color?
bright lime green!! imma dye mah hair dat soon 0w0

7.) Is it just a phase or a lifestyle?
who carezz just hav fun n be urself!!

8.) Major labels or indie labels?
idc if a song is gud itz gud

9.) How old were you when you first starting using the internet?
i waz babey... liek 3yo wen i first strtd playin dress up gaymz n such xD

10.) Are you more into cute stuff or creepy stuff?
CWEEPY SHTUFF!! i wanna be a ghost hunter sumday 0w0

11.) Do you wear more than one color?
all mah clothez r black rn but wen i get moar money imma buy neon clothezz

12.) Do you draw or write on your converse?
yea i shuld post a pic wen theyre redi!! tho theyre hm sneakers insted of converse cuz im brooookkke xD

13.) Do you wear glasses?
i dunt need dem sew no, bt i lov how they look sew a might get a pair for da aesthetic xD if u wear glasses ur automatically cute imo!!

14.) Black dye or multi-color?

15.) Tim Burton or John Hughes?
tim burton iz a legendd

16.) Do you spike the back of your hair?
im gonna once i cut it properly!!

17.) Are labels restrictive or helpful?
theyre helpful as long as ur not 2 serious abt them!

18.) Nothing Feels Good by Andy Greenwald or Everybody Hurts by Leslie Simon and Trevor Kelley?
lawl i havent read either xd

19.) Do you have any piercings? Do you want them?
i used 2 have two on each lobe but i havnt worn earringz in yearz sew dey closed up 3:

20.) Do you have any tattoos? Do you want them?
id luv 2 get dem bt im scared of needlz sew das a problem xD

21.) Where do you buy your clothes?
idc... id lov to get moar thrifted shtuff tho!

22.) What’s your favorite outfit?
i dunt own anythin nice rn... bt id lov a cupcake cult shirt, checkerd hoodie, lotz of kandi, black ripped jeanz n hi top converse that ive drawn on!! 0w0

23.) What posters do you have up in your room?
none cuz my sis sayz they look dumb Dx

Part 2:

Xx_Cross My Heart With A Knife_xX

24.) Are you okay?
*screamz* TRUST MEH!!!

25.) Do you have a diary?
i haz a bullet journal but i dunt use it xD i shuld tho

26.) Are you an introvert or extrovert?
im an extremely introverted extrovert, yea itz weird xD

27.) Is it better to sound good and well produced or to sound raw and real?
again idc, if it soundz awsum it soundz awsum

28.) What lyrics bring you to tears?
ooh sew many...  all of The World Is Ugly by My Chemical Romance. "Though I'm empty when you go, I just wanted you to know, that the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me."

29.) Has a band ever saved your life?
YESH!! both My Chemical Romance n Twenty One Pilots r mah saviours ♥♥

30.) Have you ever been bullied for what you like?
yea ive alwaiz been da weird kid evr since i was little... BT NAO IM PROUD OF IT XD

31.) What’s your favorite book?
i dunt read as much as i usd  2, adhd iz kickin mai azz xD artemis fowl will alwaiz hav a special place in mah heart tho!!

32.) What’s your favorite movie?
pirates of the caribbean: the curse of theblack pearl. PIRATEESSS XDXD

34.) Have you ever been broken up with?
ive nevr been in a relationship, bt ive been rejected twice (ive also had to reject ppl which sucked evn more :(()

35.) Do you write poems?
yesh all da tiem!! i shuld post em here...

36.) Are you a vegetarian/vegan?
nope, i luv meat 2 much lawl... i respec evry1 who is tho!!

37.) Are you a straight edge?
well im underage sew i shuldnt drink, bt ive tried it a few timez xP just a little tho!! nd ill nevr try cigz or drugz tho, theyll destroy ur health!!

38.) What’s your religion?
im agnostic... i dunt think god exists, bt maybe one day ill hav a religious experience n wanna start goin 2 church!! who knowzz

39.) Where’s your happy place?
mah bed xD i hav da upper bunk n itz teh onli place in mah house where i can be alone... (yea i share a room with mah lil sis n it suckzzz)

40.) What do you do when you feel anxious?
i take a break n listen 2 sum music (usually lana del rey lulz) n look at sum aesthetics on pinterest!

41.) How often are you on the internet?
wen am i NOT on da internet xD i hav an addiction lawl

42.) What’s your guilty pleasure?
i dunt believe in guilty pleasurez, i just enjoi shtuff :DD i guess l33t sp33k n scene shtuff in general, also usin cute emoticonz ^w^ evrythin that prepz think iz cringy xD

 Part 3 :

Xx_Rawr Means I Love You In Dinosaur!_xX

43.) Do you read creepypastas?
yea ive luved dem since i was 12!! ticci toby iz da best boi uwu

44.) Do you have OCs?
yea i hav OCz fur basically evrythin i liek xD none of dem r fully fleshd out bt i luv dem!!

45.) Have you ever made an AMV?
i havnt YET bt im gonna, i haz lotz of ideaz 0w0

46.) Do You Watch Invader Zim?
ive seen da first ep, imma watch moar soon!! gir is babey uwu

47.) Do you like Hello Kitty?
yea shes da best!! an absolute scene icon ;3

48.) What’s your favorite Pokemon?
flareon!! i alwaiz wanted 1 as a kid 2 keep meh warm in da winter xD

49.) What’s your Harry Potter house?

50.) What Warriors clan are you?
thuderclan cuz im brave n loyal n i luv forests ;3

51.) What anime do you watch?
not much, ive seen attack on titan, black butler, ouran high school host club n ghost hunt! gh iz da onli one ive finished tho xd

52.) Do you drink Monster?
i tried it once, it waz gud bt i waz sew jumpy n anxious all day tht i prbbly wont try it agen xD

53.) What your favorite music video?
AMVs of course xD i srysly dunt watch a lot of MVs

54.) What’s your MySpace/FriendProject?
ur on mah fp silly xD iz xXAdamAntidoteXx!!

55.) What’s your DeviantArt?
i dunt hav 1...  i shuld make it tho!! okay imma make it nao... brb!! *elevator music* okay guize i maed it!! itz AdamAntidote!!

56.) Do you make Blingees?
yea!! mah acc iz AdamAntidote tho therez nothin there yet issa new acc xD

57.) MySpace/FriendProject or Tumblr?
both r gud, i use tumblr moar bt thatz just cuz ive used it longr sew im used 2 it!!

58.) Vampires or Werewolves?
im an mcr fan sew vampz obvs xD 

59.) Charlie the Unicorn or Llamas With Hats?
llamas with hats, itz sew randum xD

60.) What’s your desktop look like?
i hav a checkered rainbow wallpaper n i keep all mah iconz in da bar at the bottom sew its kinda empty except fr da trash can xD

Part 4:

Xx_Band Trash_xX
61.) What’s your favorite genre of music?
happy hardcore iz amazign, i wish so many artsts werent such jerks :(( i also love pop punk, i grew up wit it!!

62.) What’s your favorite album/ep?
itz 2019 the year of teh Killjoy, sew DANGER DAYZZ!! its da best evry other year too but esp dis year!! also conventional weapons (shut up it counts) n regional at best!!

63.) What’s your favorite song?

64.) What’s your favorite band/duo/act?

65.) Who’s a musician you want to meet?
i wanna meet tyler joseph, that man deservez a hug!!

66.) What bands do you/did you have in your locker?
lawl i dunt hav a lockr cuz i frgot 2 get one xD

67.) What’s an obscure band you absolutely love?

68.) What’s your favorite lyrics?
"While you're doing fine, there's some people and I, who have a really tough time getting through this life so excuse us while we sing to the sky!" -Screen by Twenty One Pilots. it capturez their whole meaning sew well in a single sentence uwu

69.) Guitar solos or breakdowns?
guitar soloz!! *aggressively headbangz*

70.) Rites of Spring or Embrace?
never heard

71.) Husker Du or Fugazi?
never heard

72.) Jawbreaker or Lifetime?
never heard

73.) Indian Summer or Moss Icon?
never heard 

74.) Braid or Hot Water Music?
never heard

75.) Mineral or Texas Is The Reason?
never heard

76.) Saetia or Funeral Diner?
never heard

77.) Dashboard Confessional or Bright Eyes?
never heard

78.) Taking Back Sunday or Brand New?
never heard

79.) At The Drive-In or Thursday?
never heard

80.) Jimmy Eat World or Paramore?
never heard

81.) Saves The Day or The Get-Up Kids?
never heard

82.) HIM or Evanescence?
HIM cuz theyre finnish liek meh!! tho evanescence iz mah childhood...

83.) Circa Survive or Coheed & Cambria?
never heard

84.) Silverstein or Hawthorne Heights?
never heard

85.) Green Day or Blink 182?
i havent listened 2 either a lot bt i lov both!!

86.) Fall Out Boy or The Academy Is…?
fall out boy!! one of mah first alt bands!

87.) Alkaline Trio or AFI?
never heard

88.) Senses Fail or Armor For Sleep?
never heard

89.) Chiodos or Saosin?
never heard

90.) My Chemical Romance or The Used?

91.) Hellogoodbye or Panic! At The Disco?
panic! at the disco, also one of mah first alt favez

92.) Aiden or From First To Last?
never heard

93.) The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus or Underoath?
never heard

94.) Avenged Sevenfold or Bullet For My Valentine?
never heard

95.) Dear Whoever or A Vain Attempt?
never heard

96.) Attack Attack or Enter Shikari?
never heard

97.) Dot Dot Curve :) or Brokencyde?
brokencyde, havent listened to them a lot but theyre kool

98.) Jeffree Star or Scotty Vanity?
jeffree's music is awsum even tho hes a pretty shady person...

99.) Breathe Carolina or 3OH!3?
aaaa tough question xD i cant pick!

100.) Never Shout Never or The Ready Set?
never heard

101.) Escape The Fate or Falling In Reverse?
never heard

102.) Bring Me The Horizon or Suicide Silence?
oh crap can i say both??

103.) Pierce The Veil or Sleeping With Sirens?
both i guess

104.) Black Veil Brides or Asking Alexandria?
BLACK VEIL BRIDES ARMY FOR LIFE!!! i was a huge fan as a kid 

105.) Everyone Everywhere or Joie De Vivre?
never heard

106.) Lil Peep or Nothing,Nowhere.?
never heard

Part 5:

Xx_In The End I Got An Honorable Mention_xX

107.) Who’s your favorite Emocore/Scenecore blog?
everyone i follow on tumblr or in here, esp mah frenz!!

108.) What do you think of As It Is’s The Wounded World and Patty Walter’s New look?
dis haz maed me realize how little bandz i listen 2, ill listen to moar shtuff on dis list i promise!!

109.) Which is better? Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge or The Black Parade?

110.) Do you think Emo/Scene will make a comeback?

111.) What’s your favorite B-Side?
kill all your friends by mcr!


scenecore, get to know me


02/21/2019 05:12 AM 

Miss You, Waiting & Wishing (Poem)

By, Brandon Immel

Met you years ago,
Look how far we've come, how much we have grown.
Helped you as much- as I could,
And you helped me more, than anyone would.

Stayed to help me, see again.
Stopped the breaking of skin.
Blue eyes, you are the one needing help now.
The reaper, making you fall down.

I gently say, Rise.
As I hold you tightly.
I know you're full of "sighs".
Because this is a difficult time.

You're so busy, working and being the social butterfly.
That phrase would shock you, but I'm just shy.
Waiting and wishing for you to talk again.
Because you're the only one that brings me, Zen.

I tell you so much,
I miss you.
Anyway I can get you in my clutch?
I need to hug you.

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