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Walter: I knew a girl in India! Weird-ass country, though... Jeff Dunham: Why's that? Walter: All the girls have this red dot on their forehead. What the hell does that mean? "You are here" Jeff Dunham: [look of shock] Walter: Maybe it lights up when the coffee's ready. Walter: Stop it... Walter: Scratch it off, and you fricken' win something... Jeff Dunham: WILL YOU STOP IT! [they argue with the microphones muted] Walter: [brief pause] Hey, look's like she's videotaping me ALL THE TIME! Jeff Dunham: [holds head in embarrassment]  

Walter: I used to chase skirts all over the world, until I got to Scotland, and, Boy, was I surprised! 

Jeff Dunham: [Dunham is trying to convince Peanut what a great city Santa Ana is] There's a lot of history in this city... Peanut: Translated: [as Peanut moves an arm as if to point at imaginary words] Peanut: Old as SHIT! 

Walter: How long've you been married? Jeff Dunham: Fifteen years. Walter: You'll see. Jeff Dunham: See what? Walter: Remember when you said, "'Til death do us part"? Jeff Dunham: Yeah. Walter: Later you'll realize you were actually setting a goal. 

Stupid questions people ask me: Are those flowers? No their dildos, idiot.